Shattered Revolution
by MG12CSI16
Summary: A companion piece to The Fall From Grace.'Now I had to clean up my own mess, pick up the broken pieces and hope I didn't cut myself in the process.'Callen's POV this time.


A companion piece for The Fall From Grace. Now it's Callen's turn. I decided to do this instead of continue the last story because I honestly didn't know where to take it. I didn't want to risk adding more chapters and then run out of ideas. Anyways I hope you enjoy this and feel free to leave a review!

I Own Nothing.

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**Shattered Revolution**

I had never been to prison before, not even undercover. But it didn't surprise me the least bit when it turned out to be a shitty place. I keep my distance though and things aren't as bad as they could be.

I worship the time I get to spend in my cell, away from everyone else where I can think. I haven't gotten many visitors at all, but it's not surprising, not in the least bit. Hetty came a few days after the incident and she wouldn't even look me in the eyes. I guess that's what upset me most, knowing I had disappointed Hetty. Or maybe it was knowing I disappointed my team.

I was lying on my back on my rock hard mattress when the guard approached and my cell door creaked open. I looked up but I didn't move, I didn't feel like going to the yard today and I had already planned to pretend I was sick. He walked inside anyways and towered over me, a set of handcuffs dangling over my face.

"You have a visitor," was all he said before he slapped the cuffs on and pulled me to my feet. I figured it was Hetty, but it was pretty late in the day so I thought it might even be Kensi or Sam stopping by after work but that was unlikely They were pissed and I don't blame them.

When I walked in the room I saw it wasn't Sam or Kensi and my heart stopped in my chest when I saw the tiny young woman seated at one of the white tables and nervously tapping her fingers on the top.

Nell looked up and spotted me and I swear she almost burst into tears right there. Guilt tore through me like a knife as I watched her. She looked completely out of place here. She was dressed nicely and I saw her ID clipped to the hem of her blouse. No doubt she had just left NCIS before this.

After watching her from my spot for a moment I pulled away from the hand that had a grip on my arm and practically threw myself in her direction, longing to touch her and hold her, but one stern look from the guard had me sitting in the chair across from her with my hands resting on the table. We didn't speak at first, it was like neither of us knew what to say, let alone how to say it. Finally I looked at her and said what I had wanted to say all along.

"I'm sorry Nell," my voice cracked on the last word, her name, as it rolled easily off my tongue. That opened the flood gates for both of us. My tears blurred my vision as I frantically tried to wipe them away. I wanted to be able to see every detail of her, the woman who had given me so much over these last two months, which I had repaid with nothing but heartbreak.

She was crying too, a sad smile tugging at her lips and lighting up her pixie like features. I wanted to say more but every time I opened my mouth another sob broke free. So we sat in front of each other, her hands clamped around mine and our foreheads resting against each others, quietly crying in place of the words we desperately wanted to say.

I heard the guard shuffle towards us before he reached down and gently removed my cuffs, shooting me a stern warning look before backing away to stand in the corner.

As soon as I realized I was free I stood up and walked to Nell's side of the table, wrapping her in my arms and rocking both of our trembling bodies. She buried her face in the crook of my neck and I felt her hot tears against my skin.

"Shh, it's alright." I said, trying to soothe her. She pulled he head back and looked at me like I was crazy.

"Nothing is alright G. It'll never be alright. The team is in ruins and Hetty is gone." another tear slipped down her cheek and I reached up to wipe it away with my thumb. I had never felt something so strong before, the longing to be with her and hold her in my arms while we slept threatened to consume me as we sat like this.

I wasn't even surprised when she said Hetty had left, I had my own suspicions anyways. When she came to see me she didn't answer any of my questions about how Vance had handled things or if she had a hard time in the office. She didn't say anything really.

"I'm sorry," I said again, more forcefully this time as I pulled myself from my thoughts. Nell just sighed and picked at a loose string on her shirt, not even bothering to meet my eyes. I decided maybe it was too early for an apology or that maybe, I had no right to give one because what I had done had been too much too bare this time.

I leaned my forehead against her shoulder as I held her in my lap. She was so impossibly tiny, yet she seemed stronger than I was in this moment. Her tears had dried and she just sat there watching me, as if she was trying to see if I had lost my mind yet.

"Callen," she said quietly, her voice sounded as if she was a million miles away. I looked up at her and saw the uncertainty and fear in her eyes.

"Yeah?" I asked, hoping I would have an answer to her question. Nell tore her gaze from the floor and her hazel eyes burned into mine. She looked at me for a moment, opening and closing her mouth a few times until she finally got the words out.

"Do you think you'll ever get out of here?" she asked desperately. I just looked at her when she said that. I wanted to be mad for a moment, because I knew that she knew better than that and she was just setting herself up for heartbreak. I swallowed the lump that had built up in my throat nad rubbed her arm gently.

"No, I don't think so." I saw her face fall and I held her tighter, enjoying the moment while we still had it. Finally, after what only seemed like a few moments the guard cleared his throat and I heard the cuffs jingle in his hand. I knew it was coming but it didn't make it any easier when I had to let her go.

She clung to my hand and I gave her fingers a reassuring squeeze, letting her know it would be OK. Finally she let go of me and waved once before I was led out of the room and down the grey hallway. I walked back into my cell, turning to the guard right before he left.

"Thanks." was all I said and he nodded his head before he walked away. I went to my bed and sat down, reaching under my pillow and pulling out a wrinkled photograph.

Nell's face beamed up at me, her perfectly white smile flashing and shining eyes looking right at me. It was the only thing I had left of the outside world, something I had begged the warden to let me keep before he finally got tired of hearing me. Holding it tightly in my hand I laid back down and closed my eyes, letting myself drift into a restless sleep.

I remember waking up in the middle of the night and reaching out for Nell but all I felt was the cold bare mattress and something inside of me snapped. I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream but I didn't wanna wake anybody up so I stayed silent instead. I held onto the photograph for dear life until the urge to cry left me and I was able to close my eyes again. They were sore and puffy as I rubbed them, probably from all the crying I had done today.

I laughed to myself, wondering what Sam would say if he saw what a mess I was right now. He would probably shake his head and crack a joke or threaten to kick my ass if I didn't straighten out. I tried sleeping again, but my thoughts wouldn't leave me alone and it soon proved to be impossible. Not a surprise though, my insomnia had only worsened since I got here.

Finally I just laid there and stared at the ceiling, at the grey paint chipping away. I wished I could see Nell again even though she had been here just a few hours ago. I wanted her to make this better, she seemed to make everything better. But now I had to clean up my own mess, pick up the broken pieces and hope I didn't cut myself in the process.

Letting out a long sigh I felt my eyelids become heavy until they finally fell shut, sending me into a dreamless sleep. Maybe it was the exhaustion finally taking its toll, or maybe it was because I got to see Nell, but I finally felt somewhat peaceful after what happened. I finally felt like maybe I had found a way to escape all the things I had been trying to avoid in my life.

Unfortunately, I realized, it also meant giving up the team, the job, and more importantly Nell. I was so angry with myself for that, being such an inconsiderate person. I didn't think about how this would effect anybody else, I just acted on my anger as if there were no consequences.

But there were, I was just to stupid to see them. And maybe that's why Sam's so pissed, and maybe that's why Deeks glared at me the whole time he was here, only saying a few words before he got up and stormed off. And maybe, just maybe that's why Nell's sleeping alone tonight.

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So I know this a little OOC but I like playing around with vulnerable Callen, and I really think Nell has the potential to bring out that side of him!


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